Animal Crackers
by omgwtfdondake
Summary: Because who doesn't like animal crackers? -Warnings: Semi-AU, pointless fluff, pointless consumption of kiddy snacks ...pretty much general pointlessness all 'round...-


**Animal Crackers**

* * *

"...Seriously?" Lightning looked between her girlfriend and the small sealed bag she'd tossed her, "Animal crackers?"

"Hey don't look at me," Fang shrugged as she threw herself down on the couch next to the pinkette, "It ain't my fault you let Vanille do the shopping this week." Fang didn't need to have look to see Lightning roll her eyes in response.

"It's your fault you let me." The pinkette grumbled, making another face at the fist-sized packet as she handed it back to Fang, who just chuckled while adjusting her position so Lightning could more sufficiently snuggle against her. One arm around the other woman, Fang held up the packet to the dim light.

"Oh come on, look, they're chicken flavored."

"That's kind of stupid… unless all the crackers inside are chicken shaped." Lightning grabbed the packet and pulled it open, peering inside, "And then even if they were, then they'd have to be called _'Chicken crackers'_ or something equally redundant."

"Have I ever told you how cute you are when you over-analyze?" Fang mumbled, the pinkette's movements made the perfect opportunity to place a kiss to her temple. "Also, it's common knowledge everything tastes like chicken, babe." She watched, amused, as the other woman continued to survey the contents of the snack pack, one of her hands hovering just outside the opening.

"Y'know its not actually animals that are in there right? They won't bite." She laughed through a soft elbow to the stomach. She presently had a profile view of Lightning's face but she could see the adorably subtle pout clear as day.

"Shut up." Lightning huffed before reaching in and pulling out a cracker.

'_Bear'_

She read the print on the small snack, "Can't personally say I've had bear, have you? And if so, does it really taste like chicken?" Fang just sighed at the sarcasm before snatching the cracker away.

"C'mon, they're meant to be cute, it_ IS_ a kids snack, yeah?" She popped the cracker into her mouth before reaching to pull out another.

'_Rabbit'_

"A kids snack that makes cute little cartoon animals edible." Lightning intercepted the rabbit before it reached Fang's lips and ate it herself, "Charming."

"I think the point is more to teach little kids about the different animals, hun…" Fang explained, reaching for yet another biscuit.

'_Rhinoceros'_

"Rhinoceros? Seriously?" Lightning grabbed the biscuit out of her hand again, holding it up and giving Fang a look. Fang let out a small scoff as she look to see what was pretty much a blob that had a point sticking out one end, "I've never seen an actual Rhino but I'm pretty sure they don't look like that."

"A rock with a horn? I dunno, I think it could pass as a Rhino…" Fang ended her statement with a snort as the pinkette gave the blob an actual scowl—as if disapproving of either Fang's comment or the cracker's missshapenness—before nibbling off the horn.

"Aw, now it kinda just looks like a…" She grabbed another cracker to hold up to the now pointless blob.

'_Polar-bear'_

"…Polar-bear."

"Okay see," Lightning quickly munched the rest of the hornless rhinoceros before taking the polar-bear out of Fang's hands, "That's exactly the same as the bear. The crackers don't have colors, how's the child supposed to know the difference?" Fang merely shrugged, too wrapped up in how adorkable she found Lightning as she ranted about a silly children's snack. Lightning moved on from the polar-bear and pulled out another.

"Hey look Light!" Fang swiped it from the pinkette, "Its Odin!" She grinned, gritting her teeth as to not burst out in a fit of laughter at the utterly unamused face her girlfriend gave her after examining the animal in question.

"Oh come on…" She glanced at the horse cracker between her fingers, "It's a _little_ funny." She jerked her hand out of the swipe Lightning attempted to snatch the cracker away and swiftly popped the edible, chicken-flavored Odin into her mouth.

"You're such a child…"

"Says the one eating animal crackers."

Fang chuckled as Lightning turned her attention back to the packet, occasionally tossing it slightly, her eyes searching the crackers nearest the opening.

"I doubt you'll be finding a dragon cracker in here, babe." Fang said with an idea of what she was searching for. She was still grinning as Lightning finally reached in and pulled a cracker out.

"Hmm, close enough." The pinkette said with a shrug, holding out the cracker for Fang to read the name.

'_Peacock'_

"Not funny." Fang frowned if only for a brief second before noticing the small smirk on Lightning's lips and the playful spark behind her eyes. She flashed a bigger smile before shrugging once more.

"It's a little funny." Fang couldn't help the grin she broke into at the turnabout.

There was a long but in no way awkward silence as Lightning continued to munch on the animal crackers, of course only after examining each one. Surprisingly, still amused, Fang merely observed while she idly ran fingers through the pink locks that fell around her girlfriend's neck. Occasionally the pinkette would feed Fang one of them—usually the ones that were broken or the ones shaped like animals she'd already picked out. Fang wasn't particularly hungry nor interested in the snacks but anything that involved her mouth and/or Lightning's fingers was not something she'd refuse nor argue with.

Eventually she noticed Lightning was spending a little too long examining one particular cracker. She tilted her head slightly to get a better look. As if sensing her intention, Lightning moved her hand to make it easier for her to see.

'_Porcupine'_

"Hecatoncheir." It took a moment for Fang to fully process what the pinkette had said but as soon as she had, she burst out laughing. She'd briefly acknowledged it wasn't likely they'd be able to make any jokes about the other Eidolon, considering the others consisted of a motorcycle, a castle wall and… well, whatever the hell Hecatoncheir was. But she had to admit, the elongated body and the oddly shaped spikes of the porcupine could almost pass for the dozen-armed Eidolon.

"Ah, that's bloody brilliant, Light." She planted another kiss, this time on Lightning's cheek, "Only you could make an animal cracker porcupine look like the most powerful of Guardian Summons."

"Guardian Summon or not, nothing should have that many arms." Lightning mumbled as she chewed on the cracker-Hecatoncheir. The comment paired with the sour look on the pinkette's face, accompanied by the pinkette's visible shudder only amused Fang more, "I don't see how Vanille stands it."

"It's Vanille, I doubt anyone could see how she does any of the bizarre things she does." Fang commented, now planting smaller kisses down the pinkette's neck, "I know I stopped trying to understand a long time ago." Lightning _'hmm'_ed in vague acknowledgment as she shook the last cracker from the bag.

'_Sheep'_

"So do you think Vanille saves the sheep for last or eats them first?" Lightning asked, neither getting an immediate answer nor expecting one, "Or does she nibble off the parts that are supposed to be the wool, first?" She turned to Fang as another thought hit her, "So are you ever going to tell me why she-"

"Believe me Light," Fang interrupted, shaking her head seriously, "Some things are better left unsaid." She leaned forward to cut off any protest from the pinkette with a kiss. Lightning didn't resist, fully reciprocating.

Animal crackers, eidolons, Vanille's sheep issues, all were forgotten by the both of them as their kiss deepened. Fang's head began to spin as Lightning slowly maneuvered herself to straddle Fang's waist. Fang slowly maneuvered her hands to trail the bottom of Lightning's shirt. Then, as the two broke apart for air, in a brief loss of control, Fang completely forgot her own piece of advice and let slip words she would immediately regret.

"…Tastes like chicken."

* * *

**.: A/N**

_What's with this pointlessness?_  
I felt like writing it. I gave you fair warning in the summary.

_Wait, what are they doing eating animal crackers?_  
I don't know. I had them for lunch today and couldn't finish chapter 15 of _FFalterXIII_.

_But they don't have things like bears and rhinos in the FFXIII universe..._  
True but having names like 'gorgonopsid', 'Adamantortoise' and 'Behemoth King' on crackers would've been a bit much.  
Though technically, behemoths could be considered mutant bear-rhinos...

_Why won't you finish chapter 15 of _FFalterXIII  
Because of writer's block and/or I'm a lazy bum.

_Hecatoncheir is the most powerful Eidolon?_  
In my head it is. Though it's creepy as all hell...

_What's with the sheep?_  
Go read my story _'Have you any?'_.

_Peacock? Really?_  
What? You rewatch FFXIII version of Bahamut and tell me you don't see a peacock.  
...in either of his forms...


End file.
